The Park
by indefenseof
Summary: Marco has to fit the pieces of his life and himself back together again. Thankfully, he's not alone. An alternate version of the events of "Pride". Rated for non-graphic rape and slash. Will probably eventually be Marco/Dylan.
1. Chapter 1

Marco was walking towards the hockey rink, though the gay neighborhood. His eyes were fixed on the pavement, he didn't want anyone to recognize him, not that he knew anyone here. But still. Maybe those two men holding hands on the sidewalk would notice him, would smile, would recognize him as one of them. He wasn't ready for that yet. Especially not after today with Spinner. If admitting to his close friend that he was gay meant that kind of rejection, he definitely wasn't ready to admit it to the rest of the world. Maybe someday. For now he was keeping his eyes down, moving fast. Looking back on it, maybe that wasn't the best way to navigate the world. Maybe that made him seem scared, vulnerable. But he was scared, was vulnerable, what else was he supposed to do? But once he had made it to the edge of the neighborhood into the park, when he had finally looked up from the sidewalk, he noticed a group of four guys walking towards him. They all looked dangerous, but the one in the front of the group looked angry somehow. Marco didn't want to get in their way so he tried to discretely veer off to the side but the group veered with him. _Shit_. They were following him. He didn't know what to do. He tried to turn and run in the opposite direction but that was apparently the wrong move. He heard footsteps quickening behind him and before he had reached the edge of the park Marco felt two strong hands on his shoulders, dragging him backwards, back into the deserted city park. He tried to yell, to get someone's attention but there was no one around and, besides, he felt another hand clamp over his mouth and the sound died in his throat. Someone spun him around and he found himself face to face with the leader of the pack. He still looked angry, but somehow less. Marco thought he actually looked somewhat pleased, like he was anticipating something exciting. A kid on Christmas morning.

"Hey faggot" the leader whispered in Marco's ear. "You know what I like to do with faggots?"

Without pausing to let Marco answer he punched him and Marco fell to the ground. Two of the cronies held Marco down while the leader kicked him, repeatedly, in the side until Marco nearly blacked out from the pain. He swore he had felt his ribs crack, he couldn't breathe. The leader then dragged Marco off of the ground and held him by the throat.

"You know, you are pretty. Exactly like a girl" whispered the leader "isn't he?"

All of the cronies laughed, nodding.

"You know what I do to pretty faggots?"

Marco shook his head nervously. He thought he knew what was coming…another beating, another kick in the ribs or punch in the face to get him to 'man up' …just like in grade school. He was used to getting beaten up. But instead he felt the leader loosen his grip around his neck _I'm going to make it out of this. He's going to let me go_ thought Marco. But just as he was preparing his bruised body to get the hell out of there, he felt one of the cronies grab him by the shoulders and force him back down to the ground, heard the sound of pants unzipping, felt hands tugging at his own belt, turning him over, pinning him down. _No, this is not happening _

"Get off me!"Marco yelled, but that only got him another swift kick in the ribs. He saw the leader leering at him and then closed his eyes, pretending that he was at the hockey game, home in bed, anywhere but here. Marco felt his pants come off and then fingers digging into his sides, drawing blood. He yelped, but remembered not to scream. He didn't think his body could take any more impact. So he lay there as he felt a man press inside him but he couldn't stop himself from screaming.

After what felt like hours, but could have only been a couple of minutes, he felt the man come inside him and finally finally pull out. He tried to scramble up onto his knees to run but he felt a foot on his back, keeping him on the ground. He begged but when he heard the leader say

"Anyone else want a turn?"

Marco fell silent, went cold inside. He heard another set of jeans being unzipped but barely felt anything this time. He was somewhere else, watching this happen to some other poor kid, some other body. But just as the fourth man entered him, Marco was pulled back into himself by the sound of his phone ringing in his jacket pocket. It was Jimmy's ringtone. _At least I know someone is looking for me_ thought Marco as his hand instinctively went to silence the phone. But the leader had another idea.

"Hey faggot. Is that your boyfriend calling? Answer it."

_What? _Thought Marco _why would he want me to be able to call for help_? The leader sensed his hesitation and delivered another kick, this time to the head.

"I said answer it."

So Marco did what he was told; he reached into his jacket pocket and answered. Sensing that the leader wouldn't actually allow him to have a conversation with Jimmy, Marco just screamed into the phone. He only managed to get out "Help! Park!" before the leader grabbed the phone out of his hands and smashed it against the pavement. At that, Marco started screaming at the top of his lungs. He hoped that Jimmy understood his message, that he was on his way. If not, it didn't matter how many times he was pummeled. He didn't have anything left to lose. Five minutes later Marco heard the sound of sirens approaching him, heard the footsteps of the men as they sprinted away from him. Moments later a cop car pulled up in front of him and a cop sprinted the way that the men had gone, but after a while seemed to think better of it and returned to the bleeding, crying Marco. At this point, Marco had pulled his pants back on and had done his best to sit up, leaning against the door of the car. Every breath felt like a knife going into his side, but other than that, Marco felt completely numb. He could tell there were hands holding him, keeping him steady. Too big to belong to the female cop. He couldn't turn his head to see who they belonged to, didn't care. He just wanted to keep his eyes shut, keep his back against the car, that way no one could hurt him. "Kid, I'm going to call an ambulance" was the last thing he heard before he slipped off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Marco woke up again in a white room. It was too bright and smelled like ammonia. He carefully turned his head and saw Jimmy, asleep in a chair next to his bed. Exploring his body, he discovered that his ribs were taped up and the gash on his head where he'd been kicked was sewn together, but his hands and head and…everywhere else were still caked in blood so he couldn't have been here that long. Maybe Jimmy didn't know what happened. Marco wanted to keep it that way. No one could know. Especially no one who would tell Spinner. Marco shuddered involuntarily. He looked towards Jimmy again and noticed him start to stir in his chair.

"Jimmy" he whispered, afraid to move his already aching torso. "Jimmy!"a little louder this time.

Jimmy's eyes popped open, looking terrified, but immediately moved to Marco's face and his whole body seemed to relax, obviously relieved.

"Marco, man, I was so worried about you. I'm glad you're awake. I'm going to go get the nurse, they told me it was important to alert them the second you woke up. Your parents are downstairs in the cafeteria, I'll go get them right after the nurse…" babbled Jimmy, getting up to go into the hallway.

"Wait" whispered Marco, panicked now, "my parents are here? How long have I been out?"

"Of course they're here. I called them as soon as we got to the hospital. You woke up on your own right as the ambulance was pulling up but then they gave you something, painkillers I guess, and that knocked you right out. It hasn't been that long though, maybe an hour or two."

As Jimmy left the room to grab the nurses, Marco sighed, Jimmy wasn't acting any different, wasn't treating him like he was fragile, a pane of glass. He figured that was a good sign. Maybe nobody knew the whole story. _Ugh, hoped too soon _Marco cringed inwardly as three cops followed his nurse into the room. The nurse hurriedly checked his vitals to make sure that he was stable and then exited the room on the cops' request. There were two men and a women, all staring at him nervously as though they expected him to break down at any moment. Well, except the women. She looked calm. Marco locked eyes with her, refusing to take any opportunity to let his guard down, especially since that's what these cops seemed to expect.

"Hey Marco" said the female cop "we just have a few questions for you"

"What if I don't want to talk?"

"Well, there's nothing we can do to make you but we're only here to help. We….we think we have an idea of what happened, there are just a few things that need to be clarified if we want to go forward with the investigation." Marco didn't say anything in return, just averted his gaze and tried to pretend he was somewhere else…he was getting pretty good at that.

One of the male cops sighed and said, rather harshly "Look, kid, we have evidence that you were beaten and raped. The doctors found two sets of fluid. One was, they assume, your own blood, but the other…was semen…there was significant tearing and… we just need to know if you've had any consensual sexual partners in the past 24 hours"

Marco still didn't answer, kept focusing on the pattern of cracks in the ceiling, imagined he was a spider, crawling up through them and away from here.

"Son, son we need you to answer our questions" said the second male cop as he reached out to put his hand gently on Marco's shoulder, trying to be reassuring. But at his touch Marco tensed up and looked ready to jump out of his own skin.

"Don't touch me. Please. I'll answer whatever you want just keep your hands off of me" whispered Marco, still looking at the ceiling.

The female cop's eyes softened at that and she reached out to remove her partner's hand and said "Ok Marco, we just need you to answer that one question. We have most of the other details"

"No. I've never had sex. Or I guess…I never had until tonight. First time for everything right?" Marco made that last remark while laughing bitterly…he sounded too old. It made the female cop shiver.

"Thank you Marco, I know this must be hard for you. Now we're just going to go talk to your parents about the procedure for pressing charges and then we'll bring them up to see you." The cops turned to go but turned around when Marco all but jumped out of his bed yelling "Wait, wait don't go!"

"Yes?"

"Do you have to tell my parents? I mean, if I decide not to press charges, can this just…go away?"

The female cop looked surprised, but she nodded slowly and said "Well…yes. If you decide not to press charges we can keep the evidence of your rape kit around in case you want to press charges later. But the sooner you begin this process, the more likely it is we'll catch the guys who did this to you. We're just trying to help."

Marco was on the verge of tears but managed to choke out "I know, I know. I just…my pop can't know about this. It's bad enough that I was beaten up but…he just can't know. I don't want to press charges"

"But Marco, don't you think you'd feel better knowing that these men are paying for what they did to you?"

Marco just turned away and shrugged. "Maybe, but, it's not worth it."

"Worth what?"

"My dad. Well. I've always been a 'fucking fairy' a 'sissy boy'. He hated it when I couldn't stand up for myself in middle school when all of the other boys would pick on me for not being good at sports and stuff. He always told me I had it coming. I just…I can't hear him tell me I had this coming." The two male cops looked like they were going to protest but the female cop just looked at Marco with a grim face and then nodded.

"Ok Marco. Whatever you say. But remember, we'll have the evidence on hand in case you ever decide to press charges. But do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Go talk to someone about this. You can't keep it to yourself forever. It'll eat you alive. Trust me".

With that the cops all exited the room and Marco was left alone. Finally.


	3. Chapter 3

A couple of days later Marco was back in school. He was still hurting and definitely not ready to face Jimmy and Spinner, but he couldn't even bring himself to tell his Dad about his sore ribs, let alone about all of his 'emotional baggage' so there was no way he was staying home. Still, Marco hadn't slept for more than two hours at a time since it happened. He would wake up, sweating and short of breath, too afraid to close his eyes again. He knew that cop had been right. He needed someone to talk to, but he was too afraid of what his father would say to ask to see a therapist. So it was back to school for him. Maybe being surrounded by familiar people would give him some peace, if only during the daytime. What he wanted to do was go see the guidance counselor, talk with her about his nightmares, see if she could recommend someone nearby who could prescribe him sleeping pills. But that was for later. Now he was walking down the hallway with Ellie and she was pressing him about the details of that night. Marco really wasn't interested in having this conversation

"So…let me get this right. You were walking alone, at night, in the gay district and you were mobbed for your shoes?"

"yeah, you heard me the first time"

"Marco, I'm just not buying that. You look…awful."

"Aw, thanks" Marco replied sarcastically

"No, you know what I mean. You look…like I could knock you over if I breathe on you too hard. What's wrong, what happened to you?"

"Nothing Ellie, just leave me alone!" Marco yelled, loud enough for the whole hallway to fall silent and turn to stare at him.

Embarrassed, Marco headed into the first bathroom he saw, he needed quiet. Now, looking in the mirror, Marco saw what Ellie had been talking about. He did look awful. There were bags under his eyes and he was so pale. He looked like he had seen a ghost. Or was one. That's more like it. Marco still didn't feel right inside his own body, still felt the breath of those men on his neck, still felt them coming inside him over and over whenever he stood still for too long. He didn't own his body anymore, might as well be a ghost.

There was one other boy in the bathroom, using the urinal. Marco didn't know him but was glad he was there, having someone else around guaranteed that he wouldn't start crying. He didn't know why, but he was always on the verge of tears these days, tears or ramming his fist through anything that dared to be within reach. He was trying to save that for home though. Everyone suspected that something was going on with him, but no one knew exactly how bad it was. He wanted to keep it that way. But when the boy at the urinal came over to wash his hands, Marco heard him mutter "faggot" under his breath. Marco's breath caught in his throat and he tensed up, shut his eyes, preparing for the worst, until he heard the sound of the boy's feet against the tile and the bathroom door swinging open. Confused, Marco turned his head to stare at the urinal the boy had been using, trying to decipher how some stranger could have found out his secret _not that it's not obvious to everyone_ thought Marco bitterly. But then he saw the words 'Marco's a fag' written in Sharpie above the urinal. Spinner's handwriting. Of course, Marco couldn't be sure, but somehow he just knew. He couldn't contain himself, had to grab onto the sink with both hands to keep himself from punching the mirror in front of him, and just started crying, hoping that no one would walk in anytime soon. But someone did.

Marco saw Spinner's stupid face advancing toward him in the reflection in the mirror. Marco spun around, not even bothering to try to hide the fact that he had been crying and yelled, as loudly as his damaged ribs would allow him to

"What the fuck did you do that for?!"

"Do what?"

"Write that, there" Marco hissed, pointing at the writing on the wall "Do you think that's funny?"

"Yeah, kind of. Well..it's true isn't it?"

"…yes. But it's no one else's business, knowing that. It's not funny Spinner. A lot of people hate gay people, you could be putting me in danger"

"Well then, why don't you just make it not true".

Marco looked confused "What do you mean Spinner?"

"Well, you know. Just stop being gay"

"It's not that easy, it doesn't work like that"

"Sure it does. Just…go out with Hazel again. She likes you. Stop being such a prick"

"But I don't like her. Just like you don't like me or Jimmy"

"That's different"

"How Spin?"

"Because I'm normal. You could be too. Just try it."

Marco glared at Spinner and yelled "Try it! Spin, I've been trying my whole life to be 'normal' but I can't be. Even strangers know!" Spinner just looked at Marco blankly.

"Spinner, listen to me. Even strangers know that I'm gay. That thing a couple of nights ago it wasn't about my shoes…a bunch of guys beat me up because they knew, because I'm gay, and they hate it. They punched me, kicked me, broke three of my ribs and…"

"and what? Messed up your hair?"

"No Spin they…"

"Stole your handbag, ruined your favorite pair of heels? Grow up Marco. Learn how to take it like a man"

"Spinner they fucking broke my ribs and raped…"

Marco stopped short, annoyed at himself for letting his secret out to the last person in the world who he wanted to know. And, sure enough, Spinner had a horrified look in his eye that lasted for all of two seconds before he covered it up with a smirk and said "so, you really are a girl, huh Marco? Well, congrats. Hope your first time was magical"

Spinner turned to leave but stopped when he heard Marco growl behind him "You better not tell anyone this time. For my sake and for yours. I promise I'll stop trying to be your friend. I get it. But please just don't tell"

"For my sake? What does it matter to me if people know that you've finally lost your V-card?"

"Come on Spinner. Remember what happened to Paige last year? Remember how long it took her to trust you? Do you really think she'll take it lightly if she finds out that you're spreading rumors like that? I have proof Spin, the police have proof…I'm not lying."

"Fine, whatever" Spinner shrugged as he turned around to leave again. "You're going to be late for class you know."

* * *

Sorry, when i started writing this, i didn't realize how overdone this exact same plotline is. but...couldn't stop anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

Marco never made it to class. It was gym class anyway and he had a doctor's note excusing him from forced physical activity until further notice. Instead he walked around to the back of the school building, sat with his back pressed against the wall, and just stayed there, staring off into space until he heard the bell ring, signaling the change of periods. Next was lunch. He wasn't hungry.

Meanwhile, Spinner and Jimmy had finished lunch and were playing horse outside in the schoolyard. Or rather, Jimmy was trying to play horse and Spinner wasn't following the rules. Instead of shooting from the place where Jimmy had just made a basket, Spinner just kept taking the ball and shooting layup after layup. Jimmy eventually got frustrated with the whole thing and shoved Spinner lightly saying "If you're not going to follow the rules, we might as well not play"

"What Jim, can't take the heat? Better man up and get your fucking paws off me before I start thinking you're just another fucking queer"

"What is wrong with you man? Marco's had it hard enough without you on his case. He told you because he trusted you…some friend you turned out to be"

"Hard enough?"

"Spinner you _know_ what happened a few days ago. Those guys…I mean, Marco hasn't looked the same since"

Spinner's face softened for a second before he seemed to think better of it and spat out "Yeah, I saw him today. So the fairy doesn't know how to take a hit, why's that my problem? He shouldn't have been walking alone, should have just come with us to get pizza. It's not my fault he didn't"

"Spinner…you didn't see him that night, when I found him. He still flinches whenever anyone goes to touch him, like he's afraid that everyone going to hurt him" _or something _thought Jimmy. Although he had been at the hospital with Marco, he didn't know exactly what had happened. He suspected though that it was much worse than the visible cuts and bruises littering his friend's body, worse even than the broken ribs. He had gone to the hospital pharmacy to fill Marco's prescriptions and seen something that had made him worried that something really bad had happened. He didn't know how to approach Marco about it though, so was heartbroken when Spinner spat out "That's not my problem."

Jimmy had been hoping that Spin would come around when he saw how badly his friend was hurting, would help him figure out what to do.

"Whatever man" growled Jimmy "just…stay away from him, you hear? I don't know exactly what he's going through right now, but I know he doesn't need you making it worse. Grow up." With that, Jimmy violently checked the ball to Spinner and jogged away _I've got to find someone to help me _thought Jimmy as he went off to find Paige. Spinner just shrugged and returned to shooting hoops.

Jimmy found Paige sitting at a table in the cafeteria with Hazel and Ellie. Lunch was halfway over and Jimmy hadn't seen Marco since the beginning of that day. That meant he wasn't eating, which was a bad sign. Gently, Jimmy rested his hand on Paige's shoulder to get her attention and said "Paige, I need your help"

"Can't you see I'm busy Jimmy?" but then taking in his frantic expression said "What? What do you need?"

"Can we talk in private?"

"Jimmy…"

"It's about Marco. I think…I think Spinner said something to him..or something. I haven't seen him since homeroom. I, I'm worried."

At the mention of Marco's name, Ellie looked up, curious. She still hadn't been able to get any information out of him and it made her jealous that Jimmy wanted to talk to Paige instead of her. She was Marco's best friend after all.

"Jimmy I'm sure he's fine"

"Paige, please!"

Paige had never heard Jimmy so scared, it made her worry.

"Sure Jim, where do you want to talk?" Paige said, softly now.

"Outside?"

"Ok."

The pair got up and, after Paige threw her trash away, turned to leave the cafeteria.

Ellie followed them to the doorway and said "Jimmy, don't you think I have the right to know what's going on? Marco won't talk to me"

"Ellie, I'm sorry. Not this time. I just…I just need to sort something out"

Ellie glared at him but turned around slowly and headed back to her tray, scowling the whole time. Once they had reached the steps of their school, Paige sat down and said "So what's so important Jimmy, that you had to pull me away from my friends?"

"Paige, I think something really bad happened that night.."

"Well, yeah, haven't you seen Marco? He got the shit kicked out of him, but I don't see what that has to do with…"

"Paige just listen. I talked to Spinner earlier and he told me that he talked to Marco today and I can't imagine that was good. I think Spinner is having trouble with the idea that his best friend is gay and is taking it out on him"

"Well, yeah Jimmy, it's a shitty thing to do but it's going to take some time for him to figure out how to deal. I'll talk with him though, if you want.."

"That's not it. I just, I think Marco might not be able to handle it now, after what happened…I think he's terrified. Did you see him? It looks like he hasn't slept since it happened"

"Ok, so I'll talk to Spinner…"

"Wait. Here" Jimmy said, extending a piece of folded up paper to Paige "I went to fill his prescriptions at the hospital. I recognize some of those names…painkillers, strong ones, and antibiotics. That all makes sense. But that last one there, I'd never seen the name before. So I looked it up online when I got home. Don't know why…curiosity I guess. Paige…it's an anti-retroviral. They give it to people who they think might have been exposed to HIV"

"Yeah, I know, they almost made me take it last year, after Dean…oh god, Jim. Do you think…"

"…I don't know. I guess that's why I came to you. I thought maybe you'd know what to say to him. If he was, you know…"

"Raped. You have to be able to say the word Jimmy"

"Yeah, well, if he was, he needs to talk to someone. And you're the only person I know who might know what to say"

Paige nodded and swallowed hard "You know, this is different Jimmy. Dean…it was horrible but…he wasn't violent. I walked out of there with all of my bones intact. I just, I don't know if I'll be any help. I have no idea what that must feel like"

"You know better than me Paige. Please?"

"Fine, ok. Any idea where he is?"

Jimmy just shrugged, "Like I said, I haven't seen him since homeroom"

* * *

Hey guys, hope you're enjoying this. I guess I'm not big on dramatic shifts in time, i like to figure out how things would unfold in real(ish) life, but i know that can be boring so feedback would be greatly appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

Marco hadn't moved. He was still sitting with his back against the brick wall. He was starting to get sore from the pavement but he hadn't felt this safe in a while. He was alone, it was daytime, no one could sneak up behind him. Marco tried to stay alert but he was so tired and he felt his eyes getting heavy, felt himself drifting off to sleep. And suddenly it was dark, he was stomach down on the ground and there was someone on top of him, crushing him. He didn't even try to get away this time, he knew it was a dream. It was always the same one. There was no point in trying to get away, he just had to wait it out. Just like in real life. He hadn't screamed. Hadn't even tried to run, not really. He knew he deserved this, every time. But something was different this time. There was a hand on his shoulder, pinning him down, breaking his collar bone. He tried to scream, to force his eyes open. _Wake up_ _goddamnit _he thought frantically. Finally he pulled himself out of his dream, panting and sweating, but the hand was still there, still pinning him against the wall. He screamed, tried to kick the person away.

Paige jerked her hand off of Marco's shoulder and retreated a few steps to avoid his flailing legs. _God, this is not good_ Paige thought to herself as she watched the half-conscious boy trying to defend himself from a now invisible threat. Sighing, Paige began attempting to coax Marco back into reality, making sure to stay a safe distance away so as not to startle him again.

"Marco" she said gently "Marco, it's ok, it's Paige. I'm not going to hurt you. Marco, you're safe. I promise you're safe. Open your eyes hun. Relax…"

Paige watched as Marco's rigid body slowly relaxed, watched his legs calm down and his fists unclench. _Good _Paige though _we're getting somewhere._

"Come on, just open your eyes. You're safe hun, no one here is going to hurt you."

Marco reluctantly opened his eyes and grinned sheepishly up at Paige when he saw her standing three feet away from him. Through his rapid breaths, Marco managed to pant out "I didn't try to hurt you, did I?" trying to play it cool but still reeling inside.

"No. I mean…yes but, it's ok. Mind if I sit down?"

Marco shrugged and so Paige took a seat next to him, making sure to maintain about a foot of space between them. She remembered how much she had hated being touched without warning and she didn't want to scare Marco any more than he already was.

"That seemed like some dream you were having. Want to talk about it?"

Marco just shrugged. _Ok, well, if he's not going to be open about it, there's no point beating around the bush. Jimmy's right, he really needs someone to support him, and I guess that someone is going to have to be me _thought Paige warily as she tried another tactic.

"Look, Marco, you look like you haven't slept in days. How often are you having that dream?"

Marco shrugged again but then whispered "Every time I close my eyes"

Paige let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Marco misinterpreted the sound it made as one of disgust or, at the very least, amusement.

"Yeah, I know, it's pathetic. I can't sleep, can't eat. I can't even focus for long enough to keep myself distracted enough to blink without panicking. I get knocked around a little and suddenly I'm a teenage boy who's afraid of the fucking dark."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of Marco" Paige said gently, concern in her voice "I couldn't sleep with the light off for six months after Dean raped me so I know what that feels like, at least a little bit."

"Rape?" Marco said too quickly "Who said anything about rape? I was just bashed, remember?"

"Well, no one I guess. But Marco, hun, you were whimpering in your sleep, telling someone to get off of you…"

"So? That doesn't prove anything!"

"Also Jimmy gave me this" Paige explained, extending the prescription pad towards Marco "that one on the bottom…I was almost given that after Dean, in case I had contracted HIV. If it's not true, please tell me we're wrong. Jimmy and I are just worried about you"

"You're not" said Marco, sounding defeated

"Not worried? Marco, that isn't…"

"No. You're not wrong."

The truth. That's what Paige had been trying to get out of Marco all along but now that she had it, she didn't know what to say. Marco, on the other hand, hadn't talked to anyone about it (with the exception of Spinner) and so took Paige's silence as an opportunity to let lose all of his anxieties

"Yeah, I know, it's pathetic, I'm pathetic. I should have been able to fight, run away, something. Spinner was right…"

At the mentioned of her boyfriend's name, Paige got her voice back and demanded "Spinner? He knows? What the hell did he say to you?" Marco just shrugged and looked away again, not wanting to get Spinner in trouble with Paige. "Marco, you have to tell me. It's selfish really" said Paige, digging for a way to get Marco to tell her what Spinner had said…she couldn't help him without knowing the whole truth "I…I need to be able to trust him, you know? And I can't if I think he said something horrible to you. It still hits too close to home."

Marco nodded once and, keeping his eyes pinned to the pavement, whispered "He called me a girl, said that he hoped my first time was 'magical.'"

At that Paige really did start to feel rage creeping over her. "He what?!? Marco, hun, not only girls are sexually assaulted. That myth is one of the reasons it keeps happening, why guys never report it. Marco, whatever happened, whatever that man did to you…it's not your fault, you didn't ask for it, you shouldn't have had to fight or run. The responsibility's on him"

"Them" Marco whispered almost inaudibly. Paige just looked at him uncomprehendingly. "Them, not him. There were four of them. They…they took turns. Outside in the middle of a public park. I couldn't get away or yell loudly enough. I still can't. Every time I close my eyes I'm back in that park. No one ever hears me" Marco grabbed the prescription pad off of the ground and began tearing it into tiny pieces "I hate taking these meds. I'm scared. Four guys, none of them wore condoms. What if I have it? They took everything else from me, why stop at my life? But mostly, I hate taking them because it means that the first thing I have to do every morning is remember."

Something inside Paige broke. She wanted to pull Marco into a hug and not let him go, ever. She wanted to make him feel safe. But she knew that was a bad idea, knew that hugging would probably make the already panicked boy claustrophobic to the point of breakdown, so instead she asked "Can I rub your back?"

Marco hesitated for a long moment and then nodded, still flinching for a second at the feel of Paige's hand against his body.

"Is that gentle enough? I don't want to hurt you"

Marco just nodded and worked on not letting his eyes drift shut. But after a few minutes he looked up at Paige and said "Thanks."

"For what hun?"

"For listening to me, for not hating me. I mean, you know how it feels, I can't imagine that this is fun for you"

"Marco. It's never fun to see a friend in so much pain. But, honestly, I only have an idea of what it must feel like" "But Dean…" "Marco, hun, this is so much worse"

Marco winced and said, pleadingly "No, wait, Paige, I didn't mean it like that. Who am I to quantify…"

"Marco. What Dean did was horrible. I still have nightmares, still have a hard time trusting people. But he was never violent, not really. And there was only one of him. And, this is going to sound strange but…at least I knew him. I know who to watch out for. I can't imagine what it must feel like to not know that, to have reason to think that the world is out to hurt you. But you're safe here Marco, you're safe" Marco shuddered and just started sobbing, letting himself fall into Paige's arms. "I've got you Marco, I promise".

It was the first time he had really allowed himself to be touched, to be held, since that night. And maybe it was only because Paige had been through something similar herself, or maybe it was because she was the first person he'd opened up to who hadn't hated him, who had been kind. Regardless, Marco really did feel safe. He relaxed, let himself breathe.


	6. Chapter 6

The pair stayed like that until they heard the bell ring, which startled them both. Paige turned to Marco and said "You know, you should go home hun. No one expected you to be back so soon anyway, I'm sure if you talked to Ms. Sauve she would--"

"No" Marco interrupted, too forcefully. Paige looked surprised, then hurt, and stood up as if to leave. Thinking better of it she said as gently as she could "I know it's hard Marco, but you don't even have to tell the whole story. Anyone would be shaken up over just the…"

"I know" Marco interrupted again, this time shaking his head slowly "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I just…I feel safer here than at home, surrounded by people whose faces I've seen every day for almost my whole life. Yeah, it's kind of pointless, me being in class. I can't focus, but at least here I don't have to worry about pretending to be ok."

"That seems kind of backwards to me Marco. Whenever I'm not ok, the only place I want to be is in bed. My mom still makes me a special dinner and even lets me eat in my room…after breakups, bad tests…"

"Yeah, well, that's not how it is in my house, ok? My dad…look. This isn't the first time I've been gay bashed, not really. When I was younger, all these kids who just ignore me now used to beat me up, pretty regularly. Of course, they didn't know I was gay. Hell, _I _didn't know it. But I preferred to play with the girls and was just too soft or something for them. I'd go home every day with new bruises but my Pa would just look at me, tell me 'Son, if you can't stand up for yourself, if you can't even pretend to be a normal boy, you got it coming. Don't come crying to me'" Marco explained, puffing his chest out dramatically in what he thought was a pretty accurate imitation of his father.

"Marco, you're grown up now. What those guys did…it's different than a couple of elementary school kids on the playground. Go home, hun"

Marco just shook his head, trying to calm down "You don't get it. When they took me home from the hospital a couple of days ago I was grown, wasn't I? I still had it coming, according to him. I still fucking had it coming." Marco shook his head, remembering how he had refused to let the police try to track down his attackers, trading one kind of peace of mind for another. He'd been right about his Dad's response, he couldn't imagine what it would be like if he knew the whole truth. Like Spinner but worse. "I can't go home Paige, that's the last place I want to be."

Paige was skeptical but decided to let it go. She supposed it wasn't any of her business anyway, still, there had to be a way to help, something better than just walking the boy to class and leaving him. "OK Marco, it's ok. I was just trying to help, but you're right, I don't know your family, I don't know what you need. We should get to class" Marco smiled, relieved. He stood up slowly and Paige could see that moving was clearly hard for him, that he was in more pain than he had originally let on. "You ok, hun?"

"Yeah" Marco replied shaking it off "I just…the pain meds make me dysfunctional, so I didn't take them this morning. I guess I was supposed to stay home until I was healed enough to switch to a less powerful prescription but, well, you know. I had to come back"

Paige just nodded. She didn't understand but she wasn't going to argue anymore. She remembered the weeks after she had been raped, she was a mess. The last thing she had wanted to do every morning was get out of bed. That was the hardest part, having to go out into the world every day and smile. She didn't want to smile. But, if Marco truly didn't feel safe at home, Paige could understand why he felt like school was easier. He'd been missing for a couple of days and word had gotten around that he'd been bashed. Of course, no one else really knew the extent of it, but no one really expected Marco to be ok, to smile.

As the pair approached the door of Marco's classroom Paige had an idea. Marco obviously needed support that he wasn't getting at home and seemed to be too scared to seek out for himself so… "Hey, Marco. I was thinking. If you want to hold off on going home even longer you're welcome to come eat dinner at my house. My mom is crazy but Dylan and I can keep her from drilling you, promise" _Shit, Dylan _thought Marco. He desperately wanted to accept Paige's offer but he didn't know if he was ready to face the male Michaelchuk just yet. Even after that night, Marco found himself wanting to approach the older boy, talk with him, hold his hand. It was different now, more complicated, but Marco had to admit that he still had a huge crush on the hockey player. But that meant that he'd have to pretend to be normal, to be ok. _What the hell…anything's better than home _

"Sure Paige, thanks. But you know, I don't need to be your charity case for the year, I know you have a rep to maintain."

"It's nothing Marco. Meet us on the steps afterschool, ok?"

"Ok"

"Oh, and Marco?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm…I'm sorry about, you know" Paige stuttered, trying not to reveal any part of the boy's secret to the crowded hallway. Marco just shrugged and turned into his classroom. Paige walked away, hoping that inviting Marco over had been the right thing to do.

Marco spent the whole class period ignoring the formulas that kept appearing on the board. He couldn't focus on what was going on in the classroom. But for the first time in days he wasn't distracted by the sound of heavy footsteps coming towards him or other people's bodies, real or imagined, that were too close for comfort. Instead, Marco spent the class period worrying about his hair and his clothes. He needed to look cute for tonight, for Dylan, but he knew that he hadn't really taken the time to get ready properly this morning, hell, he hadn't even looked in a mirror before he had escaped into Degrassi's bathroom. _Marco, what are you even thinking_ the boy thought, chastising himself _he's not going to want to be with you now, now that you're already damaged goods_.

Truthfully, Marco knew that it didn't matter either way. He couldn't let himself fall for Dylan, couldn't let himself hope, couldn't let himself be gay or straight or anything. Not now. Not since. He couldn't even let his own mother touch him anymore. He could talk his way out of hugs because of his ribs, because everyone was so afraid of hurting him, but even brushing people as he walked through the hallway left him reeling, dizzy. How would he ever be able to let Dylan _kiss _him? How would he ever let _anyone _touch him again? He felt their breath on his neck, still, right now.

_You want it, don't you fag? Pretty girl, tell me you want it._

_ I want it._

_ Louder!_

Always echoing, always reminding him that he had asked for it. But, right now, he let himself worry about his hair. It was good to pretend to feel normal again, however momentarily.


	7. Chapter 7

Paige and Jimmy both had the next period free, so Paige spent her class time trying to figure out what to say to Jimmy. She knew that she had to tell him the truth but she also recognized that the truth wasn't going to tell Jimmy what to say or how to offer himself as a support system for his friend. Paige certainly didn't know the answers but she saw how Jimmy was already walking on eggshells by sending her to talk to Marco instead of going himself, and she knew that treating Marco like he was a china doll wasn't going to help him. Letting him cry, not expecting him to want to go out and party for a while, listening…those were all things that he needed, but having it be reinforced that he was damaged wasn't going to do him any good. Paige was torn out of her train of thought by the sound of the bell ringing and the sight of Jimmy's face almost instantly appearing outside of her classroom door. Sighing, she indicated to him that she'd be there in a minute and slowly started packing up her bags.

Jimmy and Paige were back outside, sitting this time at one of the picnic tables outside of the school.

"So, what's the verdict?" Jimmy asked, cutting to the chase after a few minutes of nervous silence.

Paige just shrugged, then nodded "You were right"

"Shit. Is he, you know…is he ok?"

Paige just shrugged again. She didn't know how to answer that. Marco was alive, if that's what ok means. "He's…he'll be ok. I think. The one thing I know is that it's going to take some time, maybe a lot of it. And I think he needs to find himself a therapist."

"Well, what can I do?"

"Just talk to him Jimmy, he's the same Marco you've always known"

"And say what? 'I have no idea what you're going through but I'm sorry some guy attacked you, wanna go get some pizza?'"

"Guys" Paige muttered under her breath "but, yeah, basically"

"Wait, what did you just say…guys? As in more than one guy?"

Paige just nodded.

Jimmy looked like he was going to pass out for a second but instead, deciding to change subject a little, said "Uh, well, did he talk to you about Spinner at all? What happened today?"

Paige just nodded again.

"And…"

"I think Marco may have told him the truth, why I don't know, and then Spinner said some really fucked up things. I know that he's not actually an asshole and is just having a hard time dealing but…he said something that's making me question whether I can or should trust him. I know that's stupid but--"

"It's not stupid Paige. _If _he knew everything before lunchtime and still managed to blame Marco for what happened, I don't know if _I _can trust him…or keep myself from smashing his face in"

"Jimmy, don't. Just let me handle it ok?"

Jimmy made a face as if to protest but Paige just glared at him, there was no way he was going to win this one.

"OK, fine. But tell me what to do. Please. I feel like I need to be doing something, just have no idea what"

"Hm, ok, well. Marco is coming over to my house tonight, but why don't you invite him over tomorrow? I think he's having some issues being in his house right now, maybe he needs another place to escape to"

"Ok. That sounds good. Did he, did he tell you why he doesn't want to go home?"

"Something about his dad, I don't really know"

Jimmy's face instantly contorted into a look of concern or anger. Probably both.

"What Jimmy? Did I say something wrong?"

No I- I just figured I'd done the right thing by calling his parents that night. I didn't know. I thought his dad would be over it by now"

"Jim, what are you talking about?"

"He—Marco used to come over to my house at night all the time in grade school. He got picked on a lot, beaten up a couple of times. But not every time. I used to be the one to get those fuckers to leave him alone. I know he didn't get hit every time, but he always showed up on my doorstep with fresh bruises. I was little, so maybe I didn't put the pieces together right. But he always came crying about his dad. Always. And those bruises. I think his dad was hitting him, because he thought he was weak for getting bullied, and I think some part of Marco believed him. He thought he was pathetic, I could never quite convince him otherwise. I thought he'd stopped, I thought"

"Jimmy, just calm down, it'll be ok. I promise"

"No, Paige, I"

"Jimmy, listen to me. We don't know if Mr. Del Rossi is actually hitting him, or even if he would. Marco is in a bad place right now. He's scared of everything. Maybe he's just projecting"

"But Paige…" but Jimmy just let it go. He knew that Paige, somehow, wanted to think the best of people, especially adults. She wanted to believe that people were fundamentally good. It had taken her a while to regain that sense of the world, and Jimmy didn't want to push it. But knowing that Marco was afraid of home made Jimmy even more worried about his friend, if that was possible. That morning when he'd seen him, he'd studied the boy's face, he wanted to make sure that Marco was still there. He hadn't been able to find his old friend behind those glassy, unblinking eyes, but he had noticed bruises that didn't look familiar, that hadn't been there during those hours he'd sat with Marco in the hospital. It felt so familiar to him. Seeing Marco looking empty and broken. But he'd figured that the bruises had just appeared later, he hadn't thought…well, at least that was something Jimmy knew how to help Marco through. Pizza and video games. Just like when they were kids. He just hoped that things didn't go the way they had back then. _Fuck_.

*

The final bell rang and the whole Degrassi student body poured into the hallway, relieved that it was finally the weekend. Marco took his time packing up his bag and then stood tentatively in the doorway, waiting for the flood of bodies to pass. He hoped Paige would understand why he was being slow.

"Marco?" a voice rang out behind him.

Marco jumped at the sensation of a big hand resting gently on his shoulder but forced himself to breath normally as he turned around to face his teacher.

"Marco, are you ok?" asked Mr. Simpson.

Marco shrugged, then nodded and turned to exit the classroom.

"Wait, Marco, I've known you for a long time you know. I hate to see you hurting. You can talk to me if you need, my doors are always open"

"I know Mr. Simpson, thanks. But I don't want to talk about it"

"I know what happened to you was scary Marco but you can't let it consume you"

"You don't even know what happened!" yelled Marco, to both of their surprise.

Simpson looked shocked at the boy's outburst, and then concerned, reaching out towards Marco in order to give him a hug.

Marco just flinched at the attempted contact and said timidly "I'm sorry I yelled. I have to go."

Marco entered the now empty hallway and walked as quickly as he could towards his locker. He was already behind in work so he had to take the majority of his books home. He didn't know how he was going to carry them all the way home from Paige's, but that was a problem for later. In addition to his books, Marco grabbed a plastic bottle full of clear rum from the back of his locker. He took a swig and then shoved the bottle into the bottom of his bag. He wasn't proud of it, but Marco had spent the recent days trying every method he could think of to dull his memory and this was the only thing that worked. He figured he'd waited until after school was over which meant that he wasn't as pathetic as he could have been. Besides, it had been a long day already and it wasn't anywhere near being over.


	8. Chapter 8

Paige exhaled when she saw Marco walk out of the building. She had been beginning to worry that the boy had changed his mind about coming to dinner and, after her chat with Jimmy, that made her nervous. But, now, looking at his tired eyes and shaky frame she realized that he had probably just wanted to avoid the crowded hallways and was never planning to bail.

"Hey Marco" Paige chirped "You ready for some Michaelchuk TLC?"

Marco looked from Paige to Dylan and back again as if trying to gauge what his response should be. Taking his cue from Paige's overly enthusiastic tone of voice Marco just smiled as best he could and said "Thanks you guys"

"No problem".

The trio walked off towards Dylan's car and Marco couldn't help but sneak a glance at Dylan walking along beside him. The older boy had big, strong-looking hands _Just like…_ but no, Marco couldn't let himself think about that right now…this dinner was supposed to be an escape. Besides, Dylan's fingernails were clean and he smelled like soap. Marco tried to imagine what it would be like to have his small hand wrapped up in Dylan's big one. That was as far as his mind could wander, but it was a nice place, so nice that Marco didn't notice that they had reached the car and the Michaelchuk's were waiting for him to slide the passenger seat door open and get in. "Sorry" Marco mouthed, the tips of his ears turning bright red as he reached for the door handle and climbed gingerly into the van. Once buckled into the backseat, Marco took the opportunity to close his eyes and tune out while the siblings chatted in the front.

*

As Dylan's car pulled into the driveway, Paige turned around to look at Marco. It had only been a seven minute drive but the boy seemed like he was out cold. He wasn't talking in his sleep like earlier that day, but Paige noticed that Marco's hands were clenched into fists. She sighed, realizing that he was probably having another nightmare and knew that it would be a bad idea to wake him up too suddenly.

"Hey Dil, would you mind grabbing Marco's stuff and bringing it in the house. I don't want him to have to carry it, you know, with the ribs and all"

"Sure Paige but-"

"Just go….please?"

Dylan raised his eyebrows questioningly but instead of pressing the issue just reached back to grab Marco's stuff and left the car.

"Marco" whispered Paige "Marco, it's Paige, you're ok. We're at my house, I need you to wake up" Marco flinched but didn't open his eyes.

"Marco, hun" Paige said, a little louder this time "You're safe, wake up, you're safe" The boy stirred and slowly opened his eyes, staring at Paige with the same sheepish expression "

Is it that obvious?" whispered Marco

"What?"

"That I'm, you know, as freaked out as you're acting like I am? I mean, does Dylan…?"

"No." Paige lied "I mean, I think mostly I remember what I felt like and am assuming that you are at least four times more freaked out. At least. And Dylan…I think he knows something's up. But I haven't told him if that's what you're asking."

"Did I tell him?"

"You weren't talking in your sleep this time if that's what you mean"

"Good. Um, thanks Paige. You know you really don't have to"

"yes, I do Marco" Paige interrupted "I care about you, ok? Just let me."

Marco smiled and the pair left the car and started walking toward Paige's front door.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jimmy was sitting alone on the couch in his living room, flipping through tv channels but not really watching any of them. He was too preoccupied with memories from grade school, memories of Marco showing up at his doorstep crying and bleeding, memories of letting him inside without question after the fourth or fifth time it happened, memories of the two of them sprawled across the couch, eating pizza, talking about everything except why Marco was there. It had been good for both of them, Marco had a place to go to escape and not have to answer the prying questions that adults demanded of him later on and Jimmy wasn't lonely in his big empty house. It had worked like that for about a year until that day. Jimmy remembered it like it was yesterday, he could still taste the fear he had felt, rising up from his gut like bile.

_It was lunchtime and Jimmy was waiting for Marco outside at the picnic tables. It had been a rough morning, the usual bullies had decided to get an early start and had gotten to Marco before Jimmy had had the time to stop them. It wasn't too bad, insults flew and a fist connected lightly with Marco's stomach, knocking the wind out of him, but not hard enough to leave a mark. Jimmy had come into the building to the familiar sight of Marco standing up shakily and brushing himself off. He'd seemed ok though. But now Jimmy was worried, Marco was never late. _

_After a while Jimmy decided to go look for his friend and searched in all the usual places: the computer lab, the courtyard, the lunchroom…nothing. He was about to give up when he thought of one final spot Marco sometimes retreated to when he was in an especially bad place, the downstairs bathroom, the one that nobody ever really used. Jimmy had opened the door of the bathroom and found a seemingly empty room. He was about the exit, giving up for real, when he noticed that someone was in the stall furthest from the door. "Marco" he'd whispered "Marco?" As he got closer to the stall it was obvious that the feet visible underneath the stall door did, indeed, belong to Marco but there was no answer to his now insistent calling. Jimmy opened the door of the stall and almost screamed. There was Marco, pale and unmoving, slumped against the bathroom wall with blood everywhere, spilling from a jagged gash on each wrist. _

_Jimmy had run to Ms. Sauve's office and babbled about Marco and blood until she finally understood and called an ambulance. The pair rushed back to the bathroom and, when the ambulance came, Jimmy convinced Sauve to let him ride with Marco. The adults agreed, but only under the condition that both sets of parents were notified immediately. Although the idea of Marco's dad seeing his son like this made him queasy, Jimmy knew that the DelRossi's would have to be there. Marco was, after all, their little boy. _

_Marco had woken up to the sight of Jimmy asleep in a chair by his bed, had called for him until his eyes opened. Jimmy wanted to get the nurses immediately but Marco needed to talk to someone he trusted first, before the hospital therapists, before his parents. "Why did you do it Marco?" Jimmy whispered "Why didn't you just come over after school?" Marco shrugged and stared at the ceiling "Everyone else hurts me, it felt like taking control. I…I didn't mean to cut that deep. Promise. Please believe me" Jimmy just looked at Marco and tried not to cry or yell. "But" continued Marco "I'm tired of being scared all the time. I didn't mean to cut that deep but then I thought…I thought maybe it would be better, to be gone. I'd stop being a burden to you" "Marco, shut-up. You were never a burden on me. Without you around…who else would I eat pizza with?" Marco just half smiled and closed his eyes. _

Jimmy remembered feeling like the pair of them were too old in that moment. They had been in sixth grade, sixth graders weren't supposed to deal with those kindsof things, weren't supposed to talk like that. But it had made him a stronger person. After that, Marco had started going to therapy, started talking to someone who could actually help him. Things had been good for a while, his scars faded, though never completely, and no one else at Degrassi had ever known. And the more they grew up, the less Marco was bullied in school. And his dad eventually learned to focus his anger on more appropriate things. Jimmy just hoped that it had stayed that way.


End file.
